Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
