I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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