You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
