so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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