if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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