well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
