Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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