Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
