I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
