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• (925): View more from California

  Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up

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• (941): View more from Florida

  Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?

  (1-941): View more from Florida

  Wow! You need to get laid.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick

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• (718): View more from New York

  We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."

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• (661): View more from California

  We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Update: It didn't work

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.

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