Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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