I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
