Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
