I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
