I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i don't like sucking hair
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
