You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
this boner is exhausting
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
