My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
