p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize