come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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