The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
