He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
