I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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