literally had 100 drinks last night.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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