this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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