Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
