the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
