I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
handjob tips. give me some.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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