Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I think I sprained my soul last night
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
