Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
