he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
