you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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