I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
