I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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