Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
