College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
