Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
