even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
