dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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