I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
