I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I need moral support for this bender
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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