I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
