apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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