I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
