4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
