I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
