Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
