i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
