She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
