I seem to have left my pride at pride
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
