dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
