Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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