he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
