Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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