He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
