There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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