I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize