kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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