nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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