True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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