Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
