Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
