benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize