I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
