just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
