just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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