I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
