I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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