i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
