it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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