I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
