hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
