Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize