i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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