If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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