Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
